...that seems pretty impressive!! I think I have probably written 145 posts of worthless s**t though!!
I don't think todays will be any different. I have had an odd few weeks. I have seen...realised...been made aware of many revelations that have been happy, joyful, amazing, tearful, and sad. It is unfortunate that the saddening and unhappy relevation is fairly dominant over the happy, joyful, and simply amazing revelation. Don't you hate that the bad no-matter how infrequent or insignificant always seems to outweigh the good, if only for a day, an hour, or even a second. That 'bad', soul destroying, possibly life changing...life effecting thing takes the excitement and pure unadulterated happiness out of your life. I know that hate is a strong word, and I refuse to allow myself to actually hate anything or anyone. But for that day, hour, or second I have to admit that I have at times wished that I have never had the 'pleasure' of meeting the cause of my unhappiness. That said, I am a believer that it is only you that can allow someone or something to upset you, and that by overlooking things and shrugging things off you are being the bigger person. But we are only human right? We are not emotionless. Sometimes things are too much. Too upsetting. Too hurtful. It is at these times that it takes a lot to be the bigger person. It is not always achievable. It is at these times that I use the word hate. I hate myself for not being strong, I hate myself for not giving my all, I hate myself for not being the friend that I know I can and want to be. I hate myself for not going the extra mile. I hate myself for not asking the questions I wanted to ask. I hate that I can't find the right words. I hate that no matter what I tell myself, no matter what I try to think I can't stop feeling alone, empty. I can't. And I hate that. I hate that my happy thing, my happy place no longer provides warmth, it no longer provides comfort. I hate that. I hate that I will go to bed feeling guilty for my failures in not giving the day and everything in that 100%.
I hope you had a good day.
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5 comments:
I found your blog by accident and from what i read in this post, I feel sorry for you.
Although i can't exactly say I understand, nevertheless i somewhat do. Many times, people feel guilty, hurt, and weak because of others. However the feeling is mainly self inflicted.
If you feel guilty, correct what you think you did wrong.
If you feel hurt, move to a safer place.
If you feel weak, try to be stronger.
Finally, it isnt a matter of giving in 100%, but trying your best. if your best is to move a pebble today, aim to move two pebbles tomorrow.
I wish you the very best in the future and congratulations on your 145 blog.
who's been upsetting you? x
That's a lot of head clearing...
Thats a lot of anonymous posts!! Well at least the blogger was willing to be none anonymous. Or else no one would know anything about how anyone was feeling. I just talked myself into a circle and I'm now dizzy.
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